I think all artists come to this point... many times. At least that's how I've experienced it. I'm just... doubting my art right now. I feel it's something that can be overcome but I also feel there's a reason for it. This isn't just random depression, but rather an emotional insight into an inherent flaw in what I paint. I guess its just that painting a picture isn't the same as creating something from the heart. I like my abilities but my embarrassing secret is that my sketchbook is boring. If I sit down and try to draw from my imagination I just get shreds of rehashed ideas, the same things I've seen over and over. My sketch work is laughable.

So what's wrong? I think it's just that I've been focusing too much on the technical, and not enough on the art. I need to find the spark that made me want to draw when I was a kid. Just for the sheer joy of the creation. I think that's been somewhat lost for me.

I just have to figure out how.

Been working on my basic skills, which means lots of speedpaints from photos. :) 

Also visit my new deviantART: drin.deviantart.com/


( Lots more behind the cut... )

Click the image to check out the step-by-step tutorial I've prepared for my latest piece. If you've got any other questions about my process feel free to let me know and I'll be happy to answer. :) 

In other news, a silly meme! Well not completely silly, or I wouldn't be doing it. The idea is to cross off whichever apply to myself.

( Behind the cut! )

Hey guys. It's time for some... uhh... COOL STUFF! 

I'm releasing full resolution wallpapers of two of my newest pieces - 'Hyena Man' and 'Alien' - just for those who follow me on here.

I only made 1920x1200 sized ones, which should be good for most widescreen monitors. If you would like a different resolution, though, please let me know and I would be happy to resize one for you.


Enjoy! :)

I'll be keeping this livejournal up to date with lots of random art things like this, and I'll try to include art in most (if not every) post I make here. Random art things includes wallpapers, WIP shots, how-to things/tutorials, sketches, etc. Watch me here if that sounds interesting to you. I'm extra nice to people who are friends with me on here! 

Talk to meeee

I have that feeling. A feeling of stagnation that comes up every once in a while and holds on for at least a few days, maybe more. Strangely, I find it often hits me when my mind is most full of ideas. In this case, a series of new events, new people, new revelations, new ideas and new weather has combined and pulled my poor mind in so many directions at once that I just... don't know how to process it.

I'm not sure what causes my inability to deal with so much input at once. I think a life of mainly inactivity and solitary activities rarely spurred on by my parents has left my brain rather mushy and virgin. I love more than anything a lot of activity, yet actually pushing myself into it is very difficult. If I'm not careful that leads to depression, but I think I can mostly avoid than nowadays.

I need to find a catalyst within myself.

Fuck. Too much for my poor frail mind at once.

I did two things today which I have not done in quite a while. The first thing was taking a walk down to the river near my house. That place has been a refuge for me to think for years. I have a few favourite spots along the bank; usually secluded hills surrounded by trees. I generally find Winnipeg flat and depressing, but there are spots of immeasurable beauty hidden within the parks and fields here.

It's almost as if these places hold memories of mine from years and years, suspended in the air. Perhaps some people even more sensitive than me may pick up on the memories of others in places like this, but that's a topic for another time.

The other thing I did was take out one of my Robert Bateman books. Something has deeply moved me about his artwork ever since I first set eyes on it. Some might say it's too realistic and doesn't have enough expression; that you may as well take a photo, but I completely disagree. The same way that walking through a small patch of woods along the river bank in the city moves me, Bateman's depictions of nature depict often mundane seeming scenarios in wonderfully careful detail. It's obvious that he's very much in tune with the world around him, and his paintings convey exactly that in a way a camera never could (although I love photography as well).

Reading his books remind me of the first time I pored over them, amazed both by his paintings and by the biography about his life. I wished I could be like him, could have grown up like him; studying and sketching birds, exploring the countryside, learning. Instead I felt like an ignorant fool, stuck in a box his whole life, only knowing the human constructs around him and the pictures in books and on the TV. I yearned so badly for nature, yet felt like it was too late... like my chance at a childhood like that was over.

Here I am now, 19 years old, in the same room I was then. My attitudes have changed since then, and I've experienced a lot more, but reading those books kindles the same feelings once again. This time I prefer not to dwell on what I didn't have as a child, and instead on what I have now and what I can do with the future. I wouldn't replace the experiences I've had in my life up to now with anything else, because I would no longer be me. I would be someone else. And that just wouldn't do.

I hope to expand my knowledge of the world around me as I expand my artistic skills. Being a scientific artist is really kind of a dream to me, as much as I love creating fantasy worlds. Though these things can also be enmeshed, as James Gurney, another major inspiration mine, has clearly demonstrated.

It may seem a little silly to post these things when I don't really expect anyone to read them, but this is more of a personal journal for me. You can just watch if you like.

Oh, and I'll be posting art soon too.

Here's a funny picture of bears riding horses.

Spring time lazy days. Not having a job is not quite as fun or engaging as having a job might suggest.

Means lots of time for long (or not so long, depending on the weather), contemplative walks. My latest thoughts relate to the various minor struggles I face in my life right now, and also how this may apply to others. I find myself feeling down quite often, and I believe there are a few simple reasons why.

One of the biggest reasons is just... worrying. Being worried too much, in other words. Not about truly worry-some things, either, rather just whatever makes me feel insecure with myself. "That artist is the same age as me but she's so much better", "I'm not disciplined enough with my skills", etc. Things that may be true, yes, but I find myself realizing more and more; what is really the use of so much worry? Why waste so much time fretting about past mistakes or what have you, when you could instead be making the best out of a situation? I find, actually, that being positive in any situation tends to make things turn out much more (surprise) positive! Even if things are particularly grim, one can always roll with the punches, so to speak. Giving myself this advice has been one of the biggest catalysts of change in my entire life.

Another somewhat smaller, but also equally important virtue is patience. Especially when it comes to art. Countless times I've scribbled out something in a few minutes, thought "what garbage" to myself, and given up and fallen into a depression. Over and over. Or worse, having a somewhat finished piece which isn't turning out as great as I expected, and tossing the whole thing because I didn't give it any more time. 5 minute sketches are a great learning tool. Hell, 5 second sketches. But generally, if you want to express yourself, you need to give it more time. Work with it a little, put some heart into it. Make it a piece, not just a drawing. That's been the story with all my most successful art.

I suppose there's a lot of virtues which can help out in life. Being jaded and angry isn't all it's cracked up to be. I still think it's hot, though.


Now, here's an unrelated cute picture.

Just broke my $100 keyboard by having a stack of DVDs fall out of the plastic twist-on cover thing right onto it. Two of the keys were recoverable but the 'e' one is definitely bust. I can still type with it by pressing on the little bubble but I'll have to get a new one. :(